"Deepest Darkness, Brightest Light"

"There is pleasure in the pathless woods, / there is rapture in the lonely shore, / there is society where none intrudes, / by the deep sea, and music in its roar; / I love not man the less, but nature more."
(Lord Byron)

Nothing lasts forever in this life, and the only certainty is that we are all going to die one day. The sooner you accept that fact, the easier it becomes. The hardest thing about death is the pain and sense of loss it generates for those who are left behind. Dying therefore, is only a passive role. There is a temporary feeling of loss for the dying too, and it does sometimes hurt me to think of the pain my disappearance would cause those who love me. But if you believe in some form of afterlife, death needs not be the engulfing black hole hovering above your head. I have never felt comfortable with labels, and though I have faith, I have no religion. My church is Nature, my God the inner voice inside which guides me in everything I do. If you have to stick a label on me, call me a modern day pagan. Do I think about death? Yes, all the time. I don't worry about it, but I do wonder about it. I have always believed in reincarnation because it is what makes the most sense to me. Faith should come spontaneously from the heart, no matter what you have been taught or told to believe in. Faith is the common denominator of all religions, and how you choose to express that is up to you. If your beliefs bring you comfort, then it is all that counts, no matter what others think or say. Death is as much part of who I am as life is. Thanks to my law degree, I drafted my own will some years ago and keep it updated. I have thought about the format of my funeral and know that I wish to be cremated. It affects decisions I make about the future, and I try not to have long-term plans. If I can't do it today or in the near future, I just don't discuss it until the time comes. It's not morbid, it's practical and realistic. In ancient runic divination and in the Tarot, "Death" represents an ending but also a new beginning. Having insight into your mortality enhances your spirituality, and helps you discover your true persona. It is in the darkest tunnel that you see the brightest light.

"Carpe Diem - Seize the Day"

"It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live."
(Alexandre Dumas)

There is nothing like being faced with one's mortality time and again, to appreciate being alive and well. The knowledge that you may not have all that long to go gives you the opportunity to do today what others always do tomorrow. I have learned to live life to the full and to enjoy each day as much as possible. I have also learned not to take loved ones for granted, because they too might be gone one day. In particular, I try to do what I truly enjoy and believe in. I am fortunate in that I am financially secure enough to be able not to work for somebody else, and to spend my days on activities that really interest me. Cancer has given me the perfect excuse to open those doors, which seemed like castles in the sky before.

Respect of life goes hand-in-hand with love of life, and as I have taken responsibility for my illness, so I take responsibility for my continuing health. Wherever there was darkness and negativity, I tried to turn it into light and positivity. I am a fan of the holistic approach and the "old ways", and am constantly studying alternative remedies, not because I am desperately trying to find a magical cure out there but because I believe in the magical power of Belief itself, in conjunction with working WITH Nature and not against it. My favourites are herbalism, aromatherapy and visualisation/meditation, but I have also tried homeopathy and various others. I have been a fish-eating vegetarian since the age of 13, and in 2001 went on a non-dairy diet too. Does it work? Perhaps not as my condition is genetic but I am not a scientist and such things don't really concern me. What is important is that I feel that I am doing the best I can to stay healthy. Some may think that I am punishing myself by denying myself all sorts of things but this is not the case. It is a way of life rather than a diet, and the benefits I have gleaned make it all worthwhile. Chaplin once said that a day without laughter is a day wasted. Remember that problems are only as big as you want to make them. Every problem has a solution. Don't be afraid to enjoy yourself and celebrate anything that makes you feel happy. Society is full of restrictive labels; ignore them and "carpe diem".